Not Nurse Ratched

I’ve changed my mind about the swine flu vaccine (let’s give up on calling it H1N1…it’s not catching on), but it’s pointless for me anyway because I’ve actually had the swine flu. Not the best way to develop antibodies, but I don’t seem to be about to die, so I guess it’s worked out. This flu for me hasn’t been anything to mess around with. The media says either it’s milder than the regular flu or everyone is dying like flies, and at work I see people who are mainly not very sick but are afraid they will GET very sick, so I wasn’t sure what this flu really entailed. It seems pretty different from person to person, but for me it was NOT mild. I’ve never been that sick in my entire life. It was very, very bad for 4 days and is now just kind of bad. I’m weak and still feel like sleeping all the time.

I had a sore throat and body aches on Sunday morning, so I took some Tylenol and slept all day. I felt crappy but went to work Sunday night, where I lasted only 3 hours before I was hit with shaking chills and had to leave. It happened THAT FAST. I barely made it home, I felt so bad. I took my shoes off and crawled in bed with my scrubs on. I had my husband pile all our blankets on me and just lay there and shook with chills. I told him I wasn’t afraid of the flu epidemic anymore because I now knew I would feel so sick it wouldn’t matter to me if I died or not—I remember that clearly! Otherwise that started a few days of in-and-out feverish crud. I got nauseated and had the GI stuff that’s associated with this flu. I had a scorching sore throat and a ripping cough that made me want to cry. I was maxed out on antipyretics and my fever was still 100 for a few days. Then I started having trouble breathing and was worried about pneumonia, so I actually put a mask on and went to the doctor: secondary bronchitis infection.

It’s now Saturday, almost a whole week in, and I slept almost all day because I am just. Worn. Out. I went in to this with maybe not the most stellar of immune systems, but I’m a relatively healthy chick. I can see how any chink in the immune armor would have made this a lot worse. I can easily see how people are ending up in the hospital. One night I was having such trouble breathing I had dreams of being in a cool-mist oxy tent and again of having a cooling blanket.

I’ve also heard from my ICU nurse friends that healthy 30- and 40-year-olds are dying of H1N1 complications. This contradicts what I’d heard before about it being people with underlying conditions. I’m getting a bad feeling that the public is not being fully informed. Anyway, I’m now suitably scared and respectful of the swine flu, and I recant my previous objections to the vaccine. Maybe not recant, because I think my opinions were valid, but I reserved the right to change my mind with more information, so I’m doing that.

Thank goodness my new employers have let me off work with only wishes for a speedy recovery. I would be frantic if I had been that sick and lost my new job on top of it!