Finally…why I want to be a nurse

After MONTHS of shifts that made me want to shoot myself for giving up a career and spending oodles of time and money on this new one, I finally had a day filled with “oh yeah, this is why I want to be a nurse” moments. I worked my butt off and came home exhausted (don’t know how I’ll make it through today!), but it was a good tired. There was unmitigated chaos all day long. We had admission after admission, and our charge nurse was nearly in tears; everything that could go wrong, did. It was an unlikely day to make me feel good about nursing. Yet a patient went out of her way to tell me she was an old hand at being in the hospital and my care had made her stay much much better than she had expected, and it helped me to remember that it’s not about me. I was happy to see that my burnout has apparently not affected my patient care. I recalled that regardless of how shitty my co-workers are acting (we have all been well behaved lately except ME; I made a bitchy comment yesterday and had to go admit and apologize, which I hate) and so on, the patients still need compassion and good nursing care, and I can provide both. It’s very hard to access that when all I get is complaints and bitchery day after day, so it was nice to get a reprieve from the burnout.

Today could be sadly different, because I simply refused to sit with the violent dude the other day (he’d just broken someone’s nose, and the room was festooned with blood spatters). My boss is back today, and I’m guessing I’m going to get called on the carpet. I may not have a job later today, and I guess that’s OK. Some boundaries are not negotiable, and I’m comfy with this one. I won’t even accept a writeup regarding this situation. Perhaps nothing will happen. I’m hoping for a fast and peaceful day so I can come home and put my sore feet up for a few days!