Well, I didn’t drop out of school. I took my second exam yesterday after my change of approach to the minimalist study paradigm, and I missed only one more point than on the first exam for the class—for which I studied constantly. I’ll take that deal. I can’t decide whether it is a sign of mental health or a bad attitude that I have completely lost my perfectionism about grades. I used to want to shoot myself if I got even a low A. I obsessed about every wrong answer. Now my thought process is more like, “Good, I got a decent grade [A and B have now been elevated to 'decent grade'], and more to the point I can cross something else off my progression to the end of the semester.”
I just wish I still liked nursing school. I used to largely enjoy it. I thought it was cool most of the time. Now I feel like I’ve been dosed with a bucket of ice water. I actually have on my to-do list today to sit down and make a list of “why I wanted to be a nurse,” because clearly I need to find my goals again. Somewhere along here I have not risen above the fray and have allowed bullshit to destroy me. So I’m a-gonna make my list and work up some enthusiasm. I am. Somewhere in me still lurks the idealist who thinks she can be a damn good nurse and enjoy it! I know she’s there.
NNR,
I’m glad to hear you’re still among the matriculated.
I have to admit feeling similarly during my time in school. I don’t understand the dynamics of it, nor condone the behavior surrounding the constant bullying of students.
I hope you can keep your focus on the patients, and take what good you can from the Krazee Nurses holding the big sticks.
I’m weeks away from getting out, so it’s easier for me to keep my focus, but I hope you stick with it.
Alllright. Let’s see those goals then.
I have had a similar experience with grades and apathy. I call it being over the “anxiety hump.” I too have discovered the joy of studying only what’s necessary and doing equally well on my tests. It’s so much more enjoyable to not be freaking out over every tiny detail. The other day one of my classmates was about to hatch an egg because she couldn’t remember what cyclic GMP stood for. I shrugged and said “who gives a crap; he’s not going to test over it and no one in the hospital will know, either.” It makes me happy. I hope you can start enjoying school again now that you, too, are over the anxiety hump.
glad youre still with us.
i see the light at the end of the tunnel (pinning) and guess what? i am actually “almost” happy about nursing school again. i am fickle!
You’re hilarious! I’m also a BSN student in a 16 month accelerated program. I often think about how unhealthy nursing school is. I mean, we’re supposed to be “patient advocates,” but who is advocating for the poor, sleep-deprived nursing students? I’m also doing a presentation on the primary advocacy role of nurses in contemporary society tomorrow morning-that’s how I ended up seeing your blog. I was looking for pictures to include on my powerpoint. It’s nice to know there are other nursing students out there that are over the initial motivating anxiety of nursing school. I’ve actually considered dropping out of school and starting a career at Waffle House. Of course, this is usually in the middle of the night when I’m wondering why the hell I’m doing this to myself. Today I was reminded when I got to work with an RN in the NICU of a big Atlanta public hospital. Anyway, I better get back to this presentation I’m giving in about 12 hours. Good luck with school!
In Nursing school, A “B” IS an “A”. Way to go!
My GPA dropped when I started my nursing courses. I hit acceptance of that one semester in.
I am also in a BSN program that is suffering massive growing pains.
I swear reading some of your posts you were in my class!
All of us Type - A previous GPA-watchers have turned into the type of students that feel good about an exam if we are above the class average. I feel particularly great when I can pull out an entire grade above the average. I know that the real test is if I can take care of my patients safely and see their overall health picture in addition to the details on my write up.
Continued luck in your program, I look forward to dropping in once in a while.